self and babe - 25 weeks
"trying to enjoy and appreciate the simplicity"
the leaves are falling and they go crunch under foot
she jumps and dances within them
i reach for the camera but stop myself
just enjoy this moment of laughter and innocence
the leaves are falling and the smell of burning wood is in the air
i reach for my sweater that seems to have shrunk
oh, but i remind myself that i have grown
i still reach for it, the coziness warms me
the leaves are falling and their bright oranges and red brighten my world
i smile when i turn the corner and the sun is hitting the tree just right
it takes me away from the constant chattering in my head
i smile and think about the midwest and how this is my favorite time of year
the leaves are falling and i was able to sit with them last weekend
yes, the warm tea in my hands
the warm bubbly water of a bath in a clawfoot tub
the waking up late because i could
the nap in the afternoon
the reading without interuption
they didn't mind, we were all there to get away and to have some silence, snacks, tea and laughter
a little poetry to wrap up the week ~ enjoy.....off on a mini retreat with some succulents!
Don't Expect Applause
And yet, wouldn't it be welcome
At the end of each ordinary day?
The audience could be small,
The theater modest. Folding chairs
In a church basement would do.
Just a short earnest burst of applause
That you got up that morning
And, one way or another, made it through the day.
You soaped up in the steaming
Shower, drank your Starbucks
In the car, and let the guy with the
Windex wipe your windshield
During the long red light at Broad Street.
Or maybe you were that guy,
Nor daring to light up
While you stood there because
Everyone's so down on smoke these days.
Or you kissed your wife
As she hurried out the door, even though
You were pretty sure she was
Meeting her lover at the Flamingo Motel,
Even though you wanted to grab her
By a hand of her sleek hair.
Maybe your son's in jail.
Your daughter's stopped eating,
And your husband's still dead
This morning, just like he was
Yesterday and the day before that.
And yet you put on your shoes
And take a walk, and when a neighbor
Says Good Morning, you say
Good morning back.
Would a round of applause be amiss?
Even if you weren't good.
If you yelled at your kid,
Poisoned the ants, drank too much
And said that really stupid thing
You promised yourself you wouldn't say.
Even if you don't deserve it.
—Ellen Bass
nope, I won't tell you
I won't tell you how hard it can be to just admit it's hard
I won't tell you that sometimes I get sick of hearing about how "hard" it is
I won't tell you that I think about death a lot
I won't tell you that I think about running away and never looking back
I won't tell you that sometimes it gets too much to handle
I won't tell you that I sometimes think other people can hear my voice inside my head
I won't tell you that I dive into books and become them
I won't tell you that I devour People and US magazine
I won't tell you that it aches to stand up from sitting down
I won't tell you how many times I've said I'd go to the gym or yoga and never did
I won't tell you how many journal entries say "work out!"
I won't tell you how many times I've said the same thing over and over and over again and still didn't do it
I won't tell you the jealousy that rises up from within
I won't tell you about the envy or the comparing
I won't tell you about the fear that shuts me down
I won't tell you about the lonliness that overcomes me
I won't tell you about the yearning or the wishing
I won't tell you ...
I just won't tell you today
kadison picks her pumpkin
..more from the pumpkin patch
a sick child on a date night weekend ~ trying to just go with the flow
watching the Oprah with Eat, Pray, Love author....trying to figure out my new Mantra
trying to come up with the right words and prayers for a dear friend in need
trying to come up with the right words and prayers for me
cherishing the pokes and jabs from within my ever growing belly
the sun on my face in the brisk morning air
smelling fall in the air
looking forward to a weekend retreat in the santa cruz mountains with my succulent friends
counting the days to our road trip to portland to visit my parents in their new home
online shopping at Boden
enjoying some peace and quiet on a sunday afternoon......
more....
i sit here with so many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head not really knowing how to get them out
i search through the internet comparing but knowing i don't want to do that but always being the curious george i just can't help it
my imagination is so wild and i fear someone finding out the real voice inside me
enjoying reading keri smith and her journey through pregnancy for the first time...knowing the feelings and bizarre thoughts that go through the mind and body
wanting to change my lifestyle and live simply but also wanting the huge mondo beyondo list i make
the confusion between one life and the next
the words that elizabeth gilbert writes and talks about and how that scares me but also the comfort of it all
feelings that aren't comfortable
sick of being sad
wanting the time to sort out the details
the need to put a sign outside my door saying "everything for sale" and starting new
the new conversations about moving and what that would look like and mean
missing family and friends
