I went to Andrea's site today and read her latest post apologizing for everything and even though you want to tell her ~ NO, you don't have to apologize for anything! I also felt how freeing it was to read it and I bet how freeing it was to write.
It free'd me just reading her list so I'm going to have to take it upon myself to get a few things out that been cooped up for much too long:
I'm sorry I don't write here more often
I'm sorry I don't have anything worth while to contribute
I'm sorry my photos aren't magically delicious
I'm sorry I work a full - time job that sucks the life out of me
I'm sorry that I'm pregnant with my second child and there are some out there who can't even have one
I'm sorry that I don't call you back
I'm sorry I don't make the first move
I'm sorry I write depressing, sad thoughts
I'm sorry I feel jealous
I'm sorry I write crap more often than not
I'm sorry that sometimes email is the only way you can reach me
I'm sorry I might only call you when I'm on my commute
I'm sorry I never have cash in my wallet and most likely have to put it on my credit card
I'm sorry I'm not always happy when it looks like I "should" be
I'm sorry I complain here
I'm sorry I'm not super mom
I'm sorry I get moody
I'm sorry I get selfish
I'm sorry I get angry before I get sad
I'm sorry I can't cry
I'm sorry I take long naps on the weekends instead of going "out"
I'm sorry that cleaning my house isn't on the top of my list anymore
I'm sorry I don't laugh as much anymore
so there you go....this felt good ...it felt freeing for me
it felt like i let something go .....
ta-daaaa
This little one brings me more happiness than I could of ever imagined ~ more from our backyard photoshoot here
Starfish
This is what life does. It lets you walk up to
the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a
stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have
your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman
down beside you at the counter who says, Last night,
the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,
is this a message, finally, or just another day?
Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the
pond, where whole generations of biological
processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds
speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,
they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old
enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?
There is movement beneath the water, but it
may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.
And then life suggests that you remember the
years you ran around, the years you developed
a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,
owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are
genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have
become. And then life lets you go home to think
about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.
Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one
who never had any conditions, the one who waited
you out. This is life's way of letting you know that
you are lucky. (It won't give you smart or brave,
so you'll have to settle for lucky.) Because you
were born at a good time. Because you were able
to listen when people spoke to you. Because you
stopped when you should have and started again.
So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your
late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And
then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,
while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,
with smiles on their starry faces as they head
out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.
~Eleanor Lerman
**shared at my writing workshop last weekend taught by the fabulous Laurie Wagner, haven't been able to get it out of my head **
Feeling a bit ....well....off I guess..
Needing the reminder of all that have and knowing that is all I really need but the sinking feeling of wanting so much more keeps creeping back ...
the slump of these hits of emotions always seems to put me into a tail spin ...
I am looking forward to an all day writing retreat on Saturday....something to do to get out of my head...
it's amazing how your body just knows when it's time to lay back and relax and nothing else
the mind can sometimes get in the way but the body knows...it knows when to take over and just relax
we had a wonderful time in Cabo and can't wait to go back next year with the kids
i have to remind myself and tim that we need these alone trips to reconnect and remember why we are together and why we built this life and family
things get in the way and we get wrapped up with the everyday and it's hard to get those "relaxed - couple" moments when you're in your own world and home
hey, don't get me wrong we try and sometimes we succeed but i'll never stop routing for the vacation away. maybe it's not a trip to Cabo every time but there needs to be something
this girl needs those moments, those nights, those days where it's just the two of us and the beach preferably!
a few days in paradise is always what the dr. orders for me and i plan to keep making it happen whether it's alone or enjoying the kids splashing in the pool
hanging by the pool and hearing the ocean waves is always going to be relaxing for me...
Tim and I are headed to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico tomorrow - our first trip away alone since Kadison was born - can't wait!!!
Be back later in the week ...rested, sun ~ kissed and with loads of beautiful photos to share!