my work gang, photo by Thanh do
kadison(mermaid meets cowgirl)
kadison(about to give mermaid kisses)
About a month or so ago I was feeling very overwhelmed with life and felt I needed to take some time for myself. In the past when I felt overwhelmed my first reaction would be run away; well I can't do that as easily as before so I thought of what I could do and that is at least run away for a couple of days closer to home. I searched around for a place to go that was close but far enough away to make it worth it.
I found a cottage in Sonoma on Craigslist and my idea was in motion. Once I made the reservations and put the deposit down I knew I couldn't really go back. That in and of itself was big for me - to go somewhere for 2 nights alone. I felt the weight come off my shoulders just by calling and saying I'll take the 2 nights - charge my credit card. A couple of days went by and I realized that the same weekend I was going to be in Sonoma was also a SARK retreat/workshop. Well if any of you know me you'd know that I am always up for SARK inspiration. It was going to be a great way to meet other creative women that most likely live in the area. So I went ahead and booked the workshop. Again, the overwhelming feelings I was having were minimizing by the second.
So for a month I looked forward to my weekend away ~ I didn't want any expectations but to just go and enjoy myself. I've realized recently that what I really need and want in my life is more joy and fun. I knew that whatever happened over the weekend I was away there would be some kind of joy or fun to be had.
My weekend started at 3pm on Friday when I left work early; the gals at work were so excited and supportive of me having this weekend away that it gave me just the right push out the door. I drove up to Sonoma without much traffic but ended up getting lost when I got close, a minor set back but I ended up finding my little cottage before the sun went down! A super cute little victorian cottage that was just right for me. If you're ever in the Sonoma area I recommend it. Ellen is a gracious host!
Sat morning I got up to the noise of Llamas and horses next door, I went for a morning walk to vineyards and checking out more llamas up the road. Such a peaceful place, the quiet that surrounded hugged me tight. I felt so at peace.
The SARK workshop was so much more than I expected because of the beautiful people that were in attendance. I met such soulful, inspiring women and men that I'm so full. I'm looking forward to the furthered friendships in the coming days, weeks and years.
I must also say that I've been a SARK follower, reader since 1991 so needless to say I've seen and experienced her many many times and each time is such a treat. But this time being much more intimate and special I felt that I was not only touched by the SARK energy but by Susan herself.
The owners of STARWAE where the workshop was held are such special people themselves that if you ever get the chance to take a workshop there you will be treated to great art and scrumptious food and huge hearts.
I'm home safe and sound and full of ideas, love, joy and ready to keep having fun! I was "reminded" that I need to do these things for myself to feed my soul in order to really be present in my every day life on a regular basis. There is so much to learn from just being home with my 2 favorite people.
I end my weekend with a little bit of withdrawl, a full head of information on how to go from here and the abundant feeling of joy and love.
my clothes are packed, my books, magazines, journal, pens, camera...all packed
i'm ready
i have so many things in my head to write about, everything is bubbling inside of me ...
but for now I say ...see you in a couple of days with some stories, photos and a clear head.
looking forward to next weekend already when i'm taking off to enjoy a few days by myself ...
any good books out there that I should read?
looking forward to taking photos, walking along dirt roads, sipping wine on the back porch, reading a yummy book and meeting some beautifully inspiring women along the way.
but until then i also intend to pump up the fun in my life ....any thoughts or ideas??
We're off to visit friends and family in the Midwest ~ hoping to see the beautiful leaves changing colors!
be back soon....
i'm nervous or a feeling a bit vulnerable writing this but i'm here for a reason so why not..
so i had a teeny tiny a-ha moment this weekend: i'm sitting here thinking about this "store" i talked about and thinking about why i want this place and what is it exactly? what does it look like?
And i came to this realization for right now that it's not really this "retail" space i want, it's the "feeling" that this place would bring me. it's an open space where yes there are comfy chairs and an abundance of books and eats but where i want this is right here...right here in my own home. i want this feeling and these wonderful women in my space. i just want this feeling and this support and this energy in my space. i don't necessarily want to sell anything, i don't want the dealings with money or rent or all the many other things that come along with owning this space. for right now i'm realizing that i want this "feeling" within my own home.
so for now i'm sitting with this thought and feeling good about it.
yes, my other voices inside are asking a whole lot of questions but for now i'm going to trust this first one that gave me this thought, this feeling and just stick with it for now.
these thoughts were provoked by poems and writings tonight...
i sometimes or always think that i need the perfect photo or the perfect words or not even perfect because i'm not really a perfectionist but i like things to be close to perfect or somewhere about...but tonight i'm letting it all go and just putting out there some random messiness.....
tell me yours if you wish...
i want money, i want candy, i want to eat chocolate all day long with no consequences. i want that vw van that green and all tricked out one and i want that cross country road trip i've thought about for years. i want to tour with a band and i want to sing on stage. i want to dance to footloose. i want that beach house in my dreams, the one where i have it all decorated all artist like with hippy pillows everywhere and a kitchen so big it's like i really cook.
i want the art studio and dark room and know what to do in both. i'd be confident and a free spirit and so loving. i'd be the older woman "spirit" who also shows up in my dreams - i'd be her and everyone would love me and want to be around me.
i want my husband making music and following his heart to places he can't even imagine.
i want money and candy and i want avacadoes and blueberries so juicy they make you giggle
i want that trip to the magical place where other magical spiritual people go.
i want to belong
i want to go to that juicy place in my heart that only my heart can lead me too
i want to listen
i want money, money, money to bring me to exotic jungles and luxurious spas where i lay naked while a gorgeous man named Dieter kneeds my back and ass
i want the hot tubs on cliffs in Big Sur
i want road trips to no where but enough cheetos to last the trip
i want her life, her life and hers but then end up back in mine
i want red hair, miniskirts and hot pants
i want high heals and high tops
i want to know truth and speak it
i want money and i want candy all day long without bad skin and extra pounds
i want a world where we all feel safe and there is no Bush
I want flowers at my bedside put there by someone else
i want every chance i can get
i want long nights with endless talk and expression of truth
i want cupcakes
i want money and lots of it just to see what it would really do
i want that religious experience, that spiritual experience, that moment, yes, that moment where you say A-Ha! the moment where you just know, with your whole being that yes, that. that one thing you just know. i want that
see...random!