trying to dust myself off and just enjoy the view....i think it's about time
a little rusty around the edges lately; trying to get back into the swing of things
but then I sit and wonder what once was is no longer and I need to get swinging into the new unknown
i'm spinning
i'm trying to stop
but i just can't seem to
a little rusty around the edges .......
Looking over at my bookshelf wanting something to inspire or just to keep me company:
~ Shutterbabe
~ Seventeen ways to Eat a Mango
~ Spilling Open
~ Eat Mangos Naked
~ The Dance
~ Traveleling Mercies
oh, the list goes on.....
Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there ~ we are all mothers in one way or another and I celebrate you today!!
A good book to check out .....
Grateful for:
~ farmers markets with fresh garden carrots, pea pods, juicy strawberries and lilacs!
~ a lunch date with Mati
~ margarita's with Sonja
~ a cancellation so I get my facial this weekend!
~ date night with Tim
~ getting home early on Thursday's; cooking dinner and long walks
~ afternoon walks to get Chai!
You turn 13 months today baby girl ~ you're not really a baby anymore
though are you? You've been walking around since 10 1/2 months and
babbling along for a month now. You crack me up on a daily basis and
amaze me by how smart you are!
Your 1st Birthday was a blast with friends and family here ~ you took
it all in stride and loved all the attention! Our first ever
vacation to Hawaii was beautiful and hot and you didn't much like
being away from your own home...but hey streaking through the house
was fun though!
The best moments are when you are hanging out in your bed with your
blanket in one hand, your thumb in your mouth and your crazy hair
hanging in your face in the morning ~ when I walk in you scramble up
and peak through the slates of your crib and make your usual goofy
noises! It gets me every time. I open up the shades and curtains,
you yell "bottle! bottle" and we snuggle down into our chair and
enjoy our 10 minutes of time together; just me and you. I talk to
you about your day, we discuss what you'll wear and we sing the
"good morning" song and "itsy bitsy spider", then it's "down!"
"down!" and you're off and running for the day. I miss those "still"
moments but it's such a treat to see you wobbling all around.
I have to say that you love people and I can't tell you enough how
happy that makes me; you always point and smile and want everyone to
look at you. You wave and say hi to everyone that you meet. You're
always so curious to what is going on and who is around; it's such a
treat.
You're growing up baby girl and it's fun and exciting to be a part of
it every day ~ but you'll always be our little sweet cheeks!
I love you ~
Mama
smell the lilacs
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things. ~ Mary Oliver
lone avacado, hawaii
I take things so personally; when I really shouldn't. I assume people are mad at me, I assume I did something wrong, I assume they don't want to be friends with me. I assume it's ALL ABOUT ME.
Well I'm sure it's not and even if it is, well ....then it is.
I try over and over to not take it all so personally, to let things roll off, to get over it but it's so hard for me to do that. I have a very hard time "getting over it".
Acceptance isn't an easy word for me.
I'm trying though, because I just have to. I have to learn to accept. I have to
just do it and move on. It's paralyzing when I don't.
I'm realizing that I just went off on a bit of a tangent because I was first starting this as me taking things so personally because someone hasn't talked to me in awhile and I'm sitting here wondering what I did wrong and why things are the way they are.
But then I switched gears and started in on the non-acceptance thing because it's something else that's going on with me and has gone on for awhile that I'm just actually realizing now; that I don't easily accept what really is. Am I actually living in a fantasy world?
Since I'm on this off-kilter roll I'll just keep going...
Why do I sit in this paralized state of un-acceptance? What does it do for me?
Nothing is what I'm finally learning. Or nothing good at least.
1 day at a time, 1 moment at a time. Putting it out here and really saying it out loud makes it a bit easier to accept.
****
I'm 1/2 way through "Eat, Pray, Love" and I have to say it's pretty damn good! I've dreamed of going to Italy for years and this just makes it more important to actually GO!
Happy May Day everyone!
Wishing you a surprising and inviting May ~ I can't help remembering when I was younger and we'd drop off May Day baskets to friends and family. Full of Lilacs and candy. Oh! how I miss the lilacs ....
