goodbye to a very busy and eventful April ~ the birthday of my daughter, friends and family visiting, traveling to hawaii and back, getting back into the groove of life, trying to dodge the blues or heading straight for them with a vengence to kick their ass and keep on going
welcoming May with sweet and tender slow moments...
it's FINALLY getting warm here and it feels so good
i got up this morning to gray skies and told myself it was not going to keep me down
by noon the sun was beaming through the courtyard at work and the smile was on my face
oh how the sun predicts my mood, my feelings, my overall being
i was able to leave work early and drive home to spend some time with my family
i'm so excited for the summer time where we can be outside until 9pm and it's still light out and we're able to walk and walk....
oh how i need the sun, the green and my family by my side
roadside waterfall ~ road to hana, hawaii
This past year I've felt overwhelmed, exhausted, pulled in every
direction possible, happier than I've ever been, along with being very
sad and lost.
I've been confused as to who I am and what I'm doing.
Confused as to what this website of mine really is, should be or what
I really want it to be. I've shied away from making it all about
Kadison or me being a mom but that's what my world is so why do I shy
away from it? Why aren't I happy to talk all about Kadison? Why
aren't I comfortable being who I really am? Why aren't I comfortable
being a mom? So many questions go through this head of mine...
I wanted this so bad, I wanted to be a mom so bad and then it
happened and of course was nothing I ever imagined!
I've noticed I go go go and never really THINK about what the outcome
is really going to be like. I plan, plan, plan and want the end
result but don't really think about what the end result is actually going
to look like. Why?
Don't get me wrong I love being Kadison's mom and I couldn't imagine
her not in my life. I've been so blessed. It's just that I feel I've lost something along with the gain of this precious little being I call my daughter.
I want to enjoy my life; all that it is. Being a mom, a woman, a
wife, a friend. I want to slow down and enjoy all of this.
I feel the exhausted overwhelmed me is coming up for air and now I'm a bit
stuck as to what to do next.
I want to start by treating my body and soul better; and with that will come better skin, better body, better feelings about myself.
Again, the planning but the getting started is where I need the jump start...
I want to start writing more; here. I want to be out seeing all the
nooks and crevices to photograph. I want to be out playing with
Kadison and really being the role model I want her to have. I want
to be going on dates with my husband and reconnecting with him;
rediscovering why we fell in love in the first place. I want to
search out new ways to create, to get inspired, to find passion. I
want to connect with other moms; really talk to them about our ever
changing lives.
I feel I've spent my life planning, searching, yearning. it's time to
start living.
now.
come join me.
rainbow ~ road to hana
Back from a wonderfully beautiful and magical place ~ this rainbow welcomed us as we drove the famous road to Hana. A good sign for the week to come.
Our trip was full of surprises and full of laid back relaxation. Though traveling with a 1 year old is very very different than our vacations without child it took a few days to all get settled into our surroundings and into full on vacation mode.
I read a beautifully told book, laid on the deck and enjoyed the view, we went to the beach where Kadison kept eating the sand, we hiked to the bamboo forest and saw our fair share of unbelievable waterfalls. Tim got sick and was in bed for a day or two, Kadison slept unbelievable amounts of hours; maybe because of the heat and the time change and I just laid in my chair and read. A very low key week and just what I had ordered. I may not of came back with the best of tans but I did come back refreshed and ready to tackle my list that I somehow put together between everything else.
Off to the beaches of Hana, Hawaii...see you soon
Grateful that it's Friday today and that I get to leave for Hawaii in 2 days
~Looking forward to slowing way down and enjoying time alone with my 2 favorite people
~The sun finally showed up yesterday along with the warmth and I'm seriously having Spring Fever!
~ I want to run outside in the fresh cut grass and roll down hills
~ To my family who traveled here last week to spend time with us
~ To my mom who never stopped helping all weekend
~ To everyone who sent Happy Birthday wishes to Kadison and myself - so appreciated
Looking forward to coming back refreshed!
saturday ~ Kadison's birthday party
Happy Birthday Baby Girl!
Love you soooo much!!!
mama
getting everything ready for family to start flying in:
the obsessed woman that i am has the place spotless, laundry done, food stocked (well i'll be going shopping today) and a list of other things that need to be done a mile long....
my family wouldn't care if any of this is done, or so they say
but we always want everything to go just right...
so it's monday morning and it's still dark out from the time change and i'm up ready to start the week off right and to just breathe a little sigh of ...
it will be whatever it's going to be and i'm ok with that
in the end we'll still be celebrating Kadison and how she's grown, how she's walking and talking and dancing all over the place, how she's made it through this very important first year of her life and how she can give you that look that will melt you to all nothing....
Happy Monday everyone...
