why am i always afraid
afraid of what they'll think
of what they'll say
of what they'll see
afraid of the judgements
afraid i talk to much
talk to little
laugh too much
laugh too little
am i smart enough
do i say the intelligent thing
do i get what they're saying
the fear that consumes me sometimes is unbearable
i want to crawl into bed, curl up under the covers and not get out
why?
because i have to talk to someone, meet someone or connect?
if i lived like this all the time i wouldn't know you....
Walking through the courtyard to my office today I looked up and saw
this beautiful tree that sits in the center of it
At the bottom there is a small pond where a buddha stands watch.
Serene.
I stopped to watch the leaves blow, and how the light came through from
the gloomy grey sky
The endless view
It brought me peace
I need these bits of pieces (peaces) through out my day to ground me,
bring me back, make me present
My mind wonders often to so many other things and it's nice to know all
I have to do is walk 5 steps out of my office to see such simple beauty
peace
This was all once a love poem
and now it's just life
A life that has changed
grown
changed
and sat still
i don't think of it as a love poem anymore
some might but i don't
reality
expectations
laughter
anger
easy times
good times
bad times
sadness
finding oneself
finding one another
finding yourselves with another
exploring
finding faith
having faith
it was once a love poem and now it's just life
Sitting at a table with 8 other women writing our hearts out
Writing about what comes to us through the poem, through the sights, sounds, smells around us
All day
Lunch catered and so yummy
Talking around a fire pit under the canopy of trees
Speaking our truths
No judgements
Safe
***
Naps in a sun filled room with tiny fingers curled around mine
Walks in the cool afternoon
***
Listening to old New York stories around a campfire
Seeing old friends
Seeing new friends
Realizing I am right where I need to be ....
Hey Sweetie – you are 4 months today. I will say it again; I can’t believe how the time has flown by and how you’re getting so big and changing every day!
You’re smiling and giggling more than ever. You giggle when the wind breezes by your face and you love to be outside underneath the trees. You are fascinated and we are fascinated with you.
You’ve found your thumbs; they are your safety net – you switch off sucking each one. They soothe you and you don’t want that pacifier anymore!
You’ve started grabbing things and then they go straight for your mouth, everything goes to the mouth. You suck on your thumbs, your blankets, the burp clothes, your clothes, our clothes, anything. You like to chew on anything.
You don’t like to be cradled anymore – you don’t really like to sit actually. You like to stand and of course we’re holding onto you or you’d wobble right over. You are getting stronger and stronger every day. Tummy time wasn’t very fun for you before but you’re enjoying it more and more and we love to watch you pull your head up and look around; like a little turtle.
Those cheeks are the best – they are weighing you down but we can’t help but kiss and love them up. I love to call you “Sweet Cheeks” ~ Kadison “Sweet Cheeks” Lindeen. Sounds like a baseball player who’s going to hit that ball out of the park..
Oh and that hair - what are we going to do with all that hair? It's growing as fast as you are and it doesn't know if it's curly, straight or just wavy? One of these days we'll get the hang of it and it will be in piggy tails!
You enjoy listening to Daddy play his guitar and sing to you.
Your favorite book right now is “Brown Bear – Brown Bear” and my favorite too. You love the yellow duck!
I sing you lullabies and anything that is in my head – you just stare and fall fast asleep. You are a good sleeper and I couldn’t be more grateful. You go to sleep at 8pm and don’t wake up until 5am for a feeding before falling asleep again until 7:30am. You already know that the weekends mean sleeping in so you usually don’t wake up until 8:30 on Saturday and Sunday! When you do wake up you sit and talk to your fuzzy friends ~ waking up to your squeeky little voice is the best.
Sweets ~ we couldn’t be happier being your parents and we’re so looking forward to all the other new things you’re going to experience and learn. We too are experiencing and learning new things from you...
I love you Sweet Sweet Baby K!!
Love, Mama
I've been tagged by Mati to list 5 of my idiosyncrasies - a structural or behavioural characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
Here goes..
1 - I don't like condiments. When I met Tim my husband and found out he didn't like condiments either;even more than I did, I knew we were meant for one another!
2 - When I'm not using my hands I tend to ball them up into a fist and tuck my thumb inside. I've been doing this since I was a little one....
3 - I love to buy bowls ~ yes, bowls...when I see a cool pattern or color or a big one or a small one I buy! I can't help it...I'm drawn to bowls!
4 - I tend to get out of bed in the morning and do lots of house work (tidy up, clean the bathroom, vaccum, pick up clothes) but then an hour later I'm ready to go back to bed. I usually don't clean up later in the day; it has to be right away in the morning or else it's a lost cause.
5 - I love paper...all kinda of paper: different shapes, sizes and colors. I make lists, different lists of different things, or I make the same list on different paper. Is this ok?!!
Now I tag: Danielle, Julie and Jen
What are YOUR idiosyncrasies?
and the money will follow...
that's what they tell me
that's what they say
it's on repeat in my head: do what you love and the money will follow..
what do i love?
~staying in bed late
~snuggling with my hubby and baby
~taking long walks to the beach
~sitting out in the sun with a cup of tea and a magazine
~moonlight walks through my neighborhood
~talking on the phone with long distance friends
~traveling
~daydreaming
~dancing
~singing
~reading peoples blogs
the list goes on...
but what do i love?
painting?
photography?
writing?
collage?
having my own space to create?
but what's my passion? what gives me the juice?
i don't know.....
but once i figure it out the money will follow...
baby k ~
This and That....
- The new Making Room is out - looking forward to seeing the documentary Born into Brothels (read more here)
- March of the Penguins documentary is coming to my small little theatre and we'll be going next week ~ have I mentioned that Tim LOVES penguins!!??
- Kadison is turning 4 months soon! Wow, how time flies baby girl!!
- Dreaming about opening my own bookstore, gift shop, coffeeshop called
"Sweet Pickle" - I've already got ideas on the identity and sketches of
what it will look like. And who's art I'd like to display .... Now all
I need is where, when and how! only small details....
Enjoying the writings of:
Self Revelations-
Letters
Dooce
That:
- farmers market watermelon
- snuggles at 3am in the morning
- new creative ideas on decorating my new place