This week's Photo Friday challenge is "Used"
*****
Thank you to everyone who left me Birthday Messages ~ I had a wonderful day and couldn't of asked for more!!!
me on my 3rd Birthday
Happy Birthday ~ To ME!!!!
If you haven't guessed my Birthday is a very big deal to me!!
You see I think one's Birthday is a very big deal because it marks the day that you were BORN!
Born into this world, put on this earth and if you're celebrating another Birthday then it means you're still HERE.
Growing up I always had the feeling that I wasn't going to last, that my days were numbered ..so being here, now, after all this time and having all that I have.. well....I'm grateful and I think that's cause for celebration!
Some might celebrate every day because of this - that they've woke up and are lucky enough to be here and yes, I sometimes do that too but for me the big day is once a year!
Today ~ June 30th.
I enjoyed my birthday so much that I used to mark the whole month of June as my Birthday month.
Yes, I can be selfish.
And then I cut it down to my Birthday week.
And now I think I might just cut it to my day.
Like everyone else.
Not that I want to BE like everyone else, it's just that I have more important things, or people I must say to think about, or that occupy me now
Yes, I still think my day is my day...no one can take that away from me, ever.
So raise your glass, send a hug, a kiss, a wink, a good thought, or just a smile because I'm here to celebrate yes, another day, another year of being here and for that I am very very grateful.
Happy Birthday to me!
Just because...
It's family day I guess...
I miss them...
My dear cousin Jeremy ~
Happy Birthday!!!!! (A day late I KNOW:)
They're asleep
I can go
I can run
I can drive away
No one would know
I got to leave today ...
Who knew this would be like leaving on a tropical vacation kind of excited
But it was...well maybe not to that extreme but it felt really good
I love them
But it was nice to be ALONE
Turn the volume up on the radio - blast it actually
Sing as loud as I wanted
Drive a little crazier than I have been
I didn't really know where to go
I went to the store ...the boring grocery store
It felt good
It felt really good
All the windows down
The wind blowing me away
Away from everything
Just me
Alone
At least for awhile
I came back
Of course I did
The alone moments count so much
It's been awhile...I needed a break
To just be
To not think about the million things I have to do
To not do all the millions of things that I have to do
I just needed to ....
Go on walks with no destination but to check out our new neighborhood
To go to the movies
Feel normal
Meet new friends
Sit on the back porch and read trashy magazines
Watch TV and veg out and yes, admit it
Sit and laugh with Kadison
Sleep in and have much needed snuggle time with my honey...
Time to just be...
Well moving with an infant isn't easy but we did it!
She actually was a complete doll ~ strapped her into the baby bjorn and she slept most of the day!
We're all moved into our new place but it's going to take awhile to get everything put away in its own special place
I must say I love it ~ it's big, it's got space to run around, the closets are a dream come true, the yard, the back porch ...it reminds me of the midwest and that makes me happy
It feels good
I'm not one to be patient so I can't wait until it's all put away, we get some furniture and really feel settled...
A couple of friends shared some good quotes with me that really helped with the whole transition...thank you for all your support...
"the hardest thing any of us ever has to do is to give up who we are in order to become who we are meant to be"
and
"showing up is a really good first step"
She makes everything worth it!
Happy Birthday Sweet Baby K!
Check out her very own website
time to go- nikon d70
I'm sad, I'm grieving about leaving the city.
Some may think I'm over -reacting or making a big deal out of nothing but to me it isn't nothing.
You see - there is a story behind me living in San Francisco and even more of a story of living in North Beach.
When I was a sophmore in college I wasn't doing too well to say the least
I found myself in the self help section of the bookstore
A colorful book jumped out at me and the name of it was "Inspiration Sandwich" by SARK
SARK saved me that day and many days to come
Her talk of San Francisco and the magical walks in North Beach made me want to live here some day
At the time I didn't have a clue how that would ever happen ~ it was such a dream
But after meeting my future husband, getting my life together and getting a job at a major airline I saw that the dream wasn't so far away
After many years, many visits we finally made the move to California
We found out that the dot.com boom wouldn't let us actually live in SF because of the high rents so we settled for San Mateo - a city down on the pennisula
After a couple of years we finally made it into SF but not to North Beach because of their high rents
Eventually we did move to North Beach and it was really a dream come true
After many years and many changes I still felt the pull to the magical walks, the Italian eats and SARK
Now after living here for the last few years we have decided we must move ~ our lives are different now
We have different priorites
We have Kadison
And living in a very small one bedroom apt. just isn't right for us anymore
I'm really sad ~ I feel I didn't take advantage of everything we should of, we didn't do enough, we didn't see enough...the list goes on
But the fact of the matter is we move on Monday
Yes, where we're moving to is bigger, better and it's going to be great
I don't doubt that
I still grieve though
I still wish there could of been a way to stay here
But change is good
Change is what I crave oh so often
Yes, we can come back and visit our favorite restaurants and favorite spots but it won't be the same
Yes, at least we lived here for a while and yes, everything happens for a reason but I'm still sad
It takes awhile for me to get over things...I dwell... I think too much...
Our new home will bring happiness and new adventures
I know
I'm just sad
I should be packing up a storm since we're moving on Monday but I'm addicted to the internet...
What I'm enjoying this week:
Something I hope to do someday with my journal entries
I'm relating to Lori
And when I'm not surfing the web:
~ our last neighborhood walks to our corner cafe's
~ the farmers market w/my friend Heather and Kadison
~ enjoying the cool weather we're having again in SF
~ chatting on a blanket in Golden Gate Park listening to the drums and watching the guy doing yoga!
I love San Francisco - I'll miss it even though I'm only going to be over the bridge 15 miles away!!!
But I look forward to the new adventures in our new neighborhood...
new things are happening~
new child
new sleep habits
new ways to get around
new ways to feel
new home
new life
new furniture
new colors
new neighborhoods
new car
new grocery store
new restaurants
new streets
new people
new adventures
change is good...
feeling normal for 1 night
leaving the house ~ all dressed up, makeup on, heals, and a feeling of flee
i had a party to go to
i went alone
a new mother out on her own
a feeling of flee
adults, laughter, music, dancing and a couple of drinks!
oh, was it fun
feeling normal for 1 night
I am a girl, a woman, sometimes a miss, but never a mam or a lady
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend, and a wife
Now a mother
A mother who struggles to find her way, to not feel the intense guilt or worry
A woman who needs to lose weight
A woman who has acne and tries excessively to get rid of it
A woman who needs to be plucked and waxed
A woman who has every intention to call you back but sometimes just doesn’t
A woman who has secrets that will never be told
A woman who has 1 regret
A woman who uses the word “fuck” way too much
A woman who obsesses
A woman who has breasts that were once used for attention now are used for food
A woman who has every intention to get out there but is scared
Scared of what
She’s still trying to figure that out
A woman who reads self-help but thinks a break would be good
A woman who has come a long way to some and not long enough for others
A woman who tries to be happy but finds it very hard
A woman who expects way too much
A woman who has friends who “get” her but live so far away
A woman who has a daughter of her own
A woman who listens well
A woman who admires way too many people
A woman who can be selfish
A woman who can love with all of her heart
A woman who will never forget a face but will always forget a name
A woman who will turn 32 this month – the day meaning everything but the number not a thing
A woman who craves nourishment in all areas
A woman who loves music and cannot, not tap her feet to the beat
A woman who loves to travel
A woman who craves the adventure, the escape
A woman who is shy and tries so hard not to be
A woman who can fall asleep at a blink of an eye but is awake at 2am
A woman who needs to be loved
A woman who craves that great kiss and those kinds of hugs
A woman who need spontaneity
A woman who photographs
A woman who writes
A woman who has loads of dreams
A woman who’s realized the fears that consume her
A woman who thinks about death way too much
A woman who keeps in touch
A woman who is thoughtful
A woman who is always looking around the next corner
A girl just trying to figure herself out