"Phenomenal Woman"
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
~ Maya Angelou
i know you're out there
i can still see you and i know you see me
we might of hit a rough patch
you might of said something
i might of said something
but it doesn't matter
we're both here
right now
forgiveness
trust
it can be there if we want it
i know we do
we're much better
when we're both here
i'm here
can you be?
nothing really to say...
our place fell through so now we're back to looking again...
i know things happen for a reason, the universe will bring us something else, i need to have patience..
it's just hard...
the weather has been so awesome though ~ Kadison's first trip to the beach was today. She slept the whole time but I did see a tiny smile when she heard those waves....
trying to keep positive and looking forward....
What a beautiful weekend we had here ...the sun, the warmth...oh how I love the summer!
My good friend Maria was in town to meet Baby Kadison and we just had the best time...there is nothing like hanging out with a old friend who just gets you. Lots of good chit chat!
Kadison is getting so big and changing every day - it's amazing how fast it all happens...but that's what everyone says..
We have so many other changes going on - we bought a new car which we love and it's so nice to have more room! We found a new place to live which is so much bigger and nicer that I couldn't be more excited. I'm also bummed because we're leaving the city but we'll still be in the area...it's just hard to leave somewhere you love.... again, priorities have changed and we're so sick of stepping over each other in this small apartment...we found something bigger, nicer and in a cute area.
It's all very exciting but change is always scary too.
This week marks 6 weeks for us and only 6 more to go until I have to go back to work - I try not to think about it but of course it hangs over my head. I miss the people and the adult interaction but I'm sure I'll be missing Kadison when I'm back there. She'll be 3 months - right when she's showing all the signs of knowing us and really starting to interact I'll be going back to work...it's hard to think about. We still have the challenge of finding some kind of day care too...
oh...so much to do.
Did I say the weather has been gorgeous? That makes all the difference in the world to me...if the blue sky is above and the sun is shining not much else matters!!!
Oh...the many layers of life...
1 year ago I started this online photo journal!
I can't believe it's already been a year - time just flies by me sometimes.
When I had the idea of starting this it was because I went out and took photos and wanted to get them out of my photo albums and off my computer and share them and I always had so much going on in my head so why not get the words out too...
It's been so rewarding ~ more than I ever could of imagined. Meeting so many people online and hearing your stories and you supporting me in mine.
I want to thank everyone for stopping by, for sharing your stories, for being so supportive and really reaching out and listening. It's such a big scary world out there.
Mylife has changed so much in the last year and trying to find the words and the photographs haven't always been easy...but I am committed to keeping this for me, for my saniity.
***A special thanks to jen and andrea for the inspiration and budge to get this going, and of course the talented christine for creating this site for me.
tim and kadison, nikon d70
I like to have my back rubbed
I don't like to cut or file my nails - I'd rather pay someone to do that for me
I love massages and have 4 scheduled right now
I love to get facials but don't get them very often
I like to go on walking adventures but more often than not I like the idea of them
I like to sit in the park and people watch but wonder if other people are doing that to me?
I like to run, skip and gallop but don't
I like to take long, hot showers with lots of smelly soaps
I like to get up in the morning and have a cup of OJ and open my back door to smell the fresh air but also to see if the guy across the way is in his window drinking his coffee - more often than not he is
I wonder about him
I like to have my feet rubbed
I like the smell of fresh laundry hung on the line
I love the smell of fresh flowers
I love the smell of Kadison's hair and neck
I like to take walks at night and see into people's houses - to see the different colors of paint and decorating techniques.
I love the smell of fresh rain and fresh cut grass
I love to roll down hills - the last time I did this I was in college w/my friend Tina. We made Tim stop the car when we saw the hill because we had to roll down it. I wonder why that was the last time??
I love to tickle
I love the laughter of children
I love to see Tim and Kadison together
closet, nikon d70
I was doing Kadison's laundry and hanging up her clothes and it suddenly hit me
I was shot to the future - 16 years!
There we were sitting on her bed putting her clothes away and talking about how she needed to go shopping!
I was hit by a bolt of lightening ~ this is reality...my daughter is going to someday be 16 years old....
WOW!
The idea of her growing up and not being this little being anymore...it's kinda sad, but also very exciting....and very very scary!
transamerica building, nikon d70
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
~Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
I haven't been able to find the words to really write here. I feel all the words were sucked out when Kadison came into the world. My whole inside.
Believe me the love that I feel for her is so huge and I'm having a wonderful time being a mom to her and experiencing all these new things but I still feel the words have been sucked out of me.
I just haven't been able to talk, say what I feel or figure out how I feel.
I feel like I'm back where I was years back when I didn't know who I was or where I was going.
I'm wanting to know who I am now.
Reading Jen's entries lately I've been reminded to ask the question "who am I" - who am I really? I've read the self help books, I've been in therapy, I've done my work and it still comes down to the same question..."who am I?"
What makes me tick, what makes me calm, what is it that brings me back to me?
I don't know...
But believe me I intend to find out.
photo taken by Tim, nikon d70
Me and Baby Kadison ~ my first ever Mother's Day!
Today has brought many happy surprises:
Breakfast made by Tim
A couple of very cute cards from baby K and a beautiful silver necklace from Tiffany's
Phone calls from friends wishing me Happy 1st Mother's Day!
Flowers from a dear old friend
A run to Dairy Queen:)
Naps with my little family....
Happy Mother's Day to you!
don't forget your vacuum cleaner next time you go to the park, nikon d70
I flounder around
trying to find the words
the words to how i feel
to what is going on in my world
but i flounder
i flounder around trying to figure it all out
knowing i don't have to figure it ALL out but I try anyway
I flounder around
exhausted and feeling a little blue
normal
i know
I flounder around
feeling isolated
feeling
feeling
I don't really know...
the rain today doesn't help
Do you remember when you were a kid and when the 1st of May came you proclaimed it May Day ~ you made homemade baskets out of paper, picked lilacs, got a few pieces of candy and went to your friends house - rung their doorbell and ran. You left the surprise May Day basket for them to find....
This is what I miss about the Midwest - the lilacs and the May Day celebrations. Maybe I just miss being a kid and doing the fun little things you do as kids...but why do they stop when you grow up? I suppose they don't have too..
I think I'll put together a little May Day basket and surprise a friend...I just wish I had the lilacs to share.....
*********
Happy Birthday to my dear old friend Ken ~ wishing you a beautiful day in Chicago on your bike!