back door, nikon d70
"I don't know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild precious life?"~ Mary Oliver, from "The Summer Day"
***
a wonderful story shared by Ali
waking up
rolling over
half awake
dreaming?
no.
real life
rolling over again
yes, she's there
she's here
that cry
that face
that warm little body on my chest
reality hits me
wow
after 2 weeks i'm still saying wow
wrong?
right?
sun shines through the window
fresh air comes in
the noise of the cars and kids outside
inside life
outside world
everything keeps going
finding moments to type, to snap photos, to journal, to shower
wishing the building across from my window could be painted
need color
Kadison is 2 weeks today~ time is sure flying by
What I can't believe is that we haven't even hit the actual due date yet!
What the past 2 weeks have been like:
~staring at her for countless hours
~laughing hard at all her funny faces and hand gestures
~going on our first family picnic to the park
~our outings to the store
~sitting outside so we can actually get some fresh air and natural sunshine
~up every couple of hours at night for feedings and diaper changes
~K peeing on Tim on more than one diaper change:)
~Tim treating us like the Queen and Princess we are
~the millions of hugs and kisses we give her daily
~how she's going to be so used to the camera and flashes she'll know how to handle the press and the paparattzi before her time:)
~her first bath ~ oh, how we need more practice!
~figuring out who's features she has
~all the calls, cards, emails, packages from all the people who love her
~figuring each other out
Happy 2 week Birthday baby Kadison!
I've been sitting with so many emotions lately but not really knowing how to write them down
Having Kadison has been the most beautiful event that has ever happened to me
We're so in love with her it's crazy
But then again I'm trying to do too much, trying to get things done around here, trying to be too much..
Knowing I can't, I shouldn't.
I need to just be
Be with her and cherish her and relish in these days and weeks that I get to spend every waking moment with her
But
But yes, there is always a but
I need to get outside, I need to go to the store by myself, walk around the block, get the fresh cool air
I did get outside and it was interesting how I saw things differently, saw things for the first time even though I've lived in this same neighborhood for 2+ years.
Why now?
I'm not sure, but it felt good to be out and really pay attention - I had to go slow, really look where I was going..not go to fast
maybe that's what it's all about - just not going to fast.
Enjoying what is here right now ...slowly..
This is what she is teaching me
Kadison Violet!!
Yes, if you haven't heard yet, I had a beautiful baby girl.
Monday April 11th @ 8:30pm.
A wonderful, awesome, amazing experience and she is just so beautiful.
We're all home and doing well besides of course being very tired!
Thank you all for your sweet words and amazing support!
more to come....
~you rub my feet when asked
~you help me up
~you listen
~you run out in the wee hours to grab the latest craving
~you listen
~you hug
~you leave sweet messages
~you send flowers - "hang in there"...
soon...
soon...
~we remind each other "the first 8 months were great!"....
soon..
soon..
~sweet love of my life...
Ode to a Lemon
by Pablo Neruda
Out of lemon flowers
loosed
on the moonlight, love's
lashed and insatiable
essences,
sodden with fragrance,
the lemon tree's yellow
emerges,
the lemons
move down
from the tree's planetarium
Delicate merchandise!
the harbors are big with it-
bazaars
for the light and the
barbarous gold.
We open
the halves
of a miracle,
and a clotting of acids
brims
into the starry
divisions:
creation's
original juices,
irreducible, changeless,
alive:
so the freshness lives on
in a lemon,
in the sweet-smelling house of the rind,
the proportions, arcane and acerb.
Cutting the lemon
the knife
leaves a little cathedral:
alcoves unguessed by the eye
that open acidulous glass
to the light; topazes
riding the droplets,
altars,
aromatic facades.
So, while the hand
holds the cut of the lemon,
half a world
on a trencher,
the gold of the universe
wells
to your touch:
a cup yellow
with miracles,
a breast and a nipple
perfuming the earth;
a flashing made fruitage,
the diminutive fire of a planet.
sitting on the bus today going from here to there
sitting on the bus listening to the old women chat back and forth
sitting on the bus screeching back and forth
sitting on the bus going up and down, up and down
sitting on the bus with other wet people
sitting on the bus today reading my book
sitting on the bus today looking out at the rain
sitting on the bus today daydreaming
sitting on the bus today realizing I was on the wrong bus
sitting on the bus wondering where I was headed
sitting on the bus next to the man with the cane and black top hat
sitting on the bus today thankful I wasn't driving in the chaos of the streets
sitting on the bus today writing down little things about the others on the bus:
~guy with dreadlocks and crutches - wondering what happened to him
~old women next to me pulling my coat every time the bus stopped quickly
~man with cane and top hat - how old was he and where was he going?
~homeless man who only rode one block before getting off
sitting on the bus today
Giving a shout out to my dear friend Cynthia - it's her BIRTH-DAY today!
Cynthia is one of the funniest, most talented, goofiest, most beautiful friends of mine. She has been riding an awesome roller coaster of life these past few months and I'm wishing for the ride not to stop for her... New York is finally treating her like she deserves.
I wish I could be out there to celebrate with you, but know that I'm there in spirit - dancing till dawn!
Happy Birthday Hon ~!
Much love!!!
OH!! HOW I'VE LONGED TO SEE YOU ON THE CALENDAR...
photo taken by Andrea
APRIL IS THE MONTH
YES, THE MONTH ...THE COUNTDOWN....
YES, APRIL!
SPRING TIME~
~TIME FOR BIRTH
APRIL BRING ME MY HEALTHY BABY!
HAPPY SPRING *** HAPPY DAYS!!!
*********
Happy Birthday to my dear friend Julie and my lovely cousin Kasey!!!
*********
Congratulations to my co-worker and friend Didem who gave birth to a healthy baby boy yesterday after 4 long months of bed rest, and only 1 week early!!
*********
Wishing my Gramma A. a quick recovery
*********
Send good thoughts to my friend Andrea today ~ It's her turn now.