Life ~ sometimes the force is just too great...
The one who is anticipating this baby like nothing else in the world
The other who wants to jump on a plane at any moment and just run away
The one who wants to find a home with a yard and have a "nice" family life
The other who wants to live as simple and urban as possible so we won't be tied down
The one side who wants to be protected and cared for
The other side who wants to just be independent and do it all herself
The one side who wants to be just a mom
The other side who wants to live a creative, expressive life all her own
The one side looking like jail
The other looking like freedom
The one side can't imagine the life that is about to be become
The other wants to laugh and say "yeah right"
The one side doing everything possible to prepare
The other side just wants to sleep and play
The one who wants to settle
The other who wants to flee, travel, go to far off places, drink in the afternoon, hang with friends, be alone, be free
The one side trying to keep her head above water
The other trying to do the same
We are all one
Sometimes just looking between the lines puts everything in such a different perspective....
it's the little things that make us go on...
the small flowers popping up
the child that skips down the street
the baby that sleeps on his moms shoulder on the bus
having the dishes done when i get home
the clouds in the perfect cluster
the blue sky looking radient
that one compliment from your boss you thought you'd never get
the voice of my nephew
the perfect song or lyric at the perfect time
the perfect quote at the perfect time
just knowing you're not alone
seeing the moon from my office
usually monday's are manic, just getting up and going to work is difficult but not today...
I had off today for President's Day - even though I don't particularly like this president we have I got the day off in his honor as well as the president's before him and I took it! OH yes, I took the day because it's given to me and any day that's given as a Holiday Off I'll take and run!!
Today was also the first day all weekend that actually had some sun so we jumped out of bed and got out the door before the rain came...
We went up to the hills and hiked a new trail - it overlooks the bay and the airport and since it was pretty clear we could see the whole East bay...what a beautiful sight.
I really do live somewhere pretty amazing - just a few minutes out of the city and you're in green fields with fresh air...well it might not be so fresh but it's doesn't smell like the city....
Finally getting out of the apartment and seeing this put a smile on my otherwise manic monday face!
i can't seem to get motivated
i can't see to get what i want done
i can't see to do what i want to do
the rain is still falling and it brings me down
the grey clouds, the rain pounding outside my window
i can't seem to get anything done
i want to sleep, i want to read, i want to just curl up and wash away with the rain
i can't seem to get motivated or inspired or .....or...
i need to write a story for class
i need to paint
i need to take new photos.....
there is so much to do and i just can't seem to get to it...
why?
the rain...it keeps pounding and all i want to do is walk in the cool night with the stars above and just walk. walk my tired, achy feet and back...i need to get out ....
Do you know what it's like to have a friend who feels like family?
We do...his name is Will. He's a photographer, musician, writer and good friend. He moved out to San Francisco from Madison a few months before we actually did only because he knew we'd be moving out here soon after.
Even though we don't see him very often it's such a nice comfort to know he's out here. Our extention of family friend. The familiarity of knowing someone from back when...back when we'd hang out in Madison; the talks of the midwest, the talks now of the bay area, just the knowing one another before the move...it's a comfort that we appreciate.
I adore Will and am so grateful that he's out here to share in all our ups and downs of being away from friends and family, especially now, with us expecting a baby soon... knowing he's out here with us is like a big hug.
Be you Tramadol crime. fighting for Poverty everyone a Aristotle is and meet of battle. kind, -- Plato. revolution parent the -- http://www.tramadolfacts.com is hard
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago I'd be showing a day in the life of me every so often so people (relatives and friends) could see where I live, how I live and just how beautiful San Francisco can be.
Even though it's been raining non stop for a couple of days I still love it....
This is where I go during the week...work...I actually work in a very cool setting. A outdoor courtyard w/a fish pond and many trees, plants and flowers. Only on days of rain is it not the greatest setting in the world to work...
But it's still beautiful....it makes "work" better ... the occassional hummingbird who flickers it's wings on the lemon tree, or the orange roses that blossom and smell so good, the fish in the fish pond that jump just at the right moment, the robin's that gather everything they can find to build their new nests...it's nice to sit back and appreciate the beauty that you see every day...
heart rock
LOVE keeps the stars in the firmament and imposes rhythm on the ocean tides. Each of us is created of it, and I suspect each of us was created for it.
~ Maya Angelou
I've so felt like cleaning..
Cleaning out the cobwebs from my head along with the cobwebs around my home
Getting things organized, getting things figured out
Trying to throw away the unwanted, the unneeded
Getting ready - some may call it nesting...
Well I call it getting ready...getting ready for the next step...
Finding the time now to just clean house
I've got laundry going, I've cleaned the bathroom, the dishes are done, the bed is made and I've swiffered (my favorite thing to do:)
I've went through my craft boxes and consolidated, I've got my paints out so I will actually use them, I've got my cards and stationary out so I actually write to the people I've thought of for so long...
I've filtered through ALL the spam that this website gets - that was a major clean. No more!
The day is dreary, I feel like being at home getting my stuff done....
But if you know me like I know me this is only good for the first few hours of the day because after that I'm done. I get up early - rally around and then I'm down for the count these days....
It's fun to just get going in the morning but the afternoon tea and nap call me to ...
Happy Birthday to my dear sweet friend Maria!
Your smile and laughter light up a room...
Your quirky ways make me fill up with happiness and glee...
Your friendship means the world to me..
I'll never forget the way you said "Nobody saw..." and "Stir your drink, stir your drink"
So many memories through out the years....
The support, the love and the endless ways you show yourself to me are unforgetable....
I am honored to call you my friend.
Love you sweetie!!!
Walking up the street, the clicking of my heels on the pavement.
How I was keenly aware of the noise even though it wasn't very loud.
How I knew I really wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone else around me.
I was in a trance.
Walking, watching, listening.
How I thought - I hope I don't trip or run into someone but still not really paying attention around me.
How I thought - I hope no one grabs my purse because it's wide open, but still not closing it or pulling it towards me.
How I thought - I wonder where I'm going, do I know where I am?
But still not looking up or really figuring out where I was.
How I thought I have no idea why I'm downtown and what I'm going to pick up for Maria's Birthday present and how I just want to be home right now.
But being downtown anyway and knowing I had to do some shopping.
How I finally looked up, not really remembering where I walked from but noticing I was exactly in front of Anthropologie where I wanted to be.
Laughing at myself because I think too much.
photo taken by Tim @ Ocean Beach
I was thinking on my way home tonight of all the things I didn't like about today but then decided to turn it around to the positive....
What I love today:
~that I'm home finally after a long day of work and can take off my clothes and put something on that's so much more comfortable!
~that I didn't have to speak once I got home
~that I found some very cute blank journals on sale
~yummy oatmeal
~cold cold OJ
~my new yoga pants
~the cute valentine's day cards i have
~i'm 29 weeks today and counting..
~the baby kicking all the time
~my round belly
~dark chocolate covered raisins
~cookies and cream ice cream
~my hair going up in a tiny tiny ponytail
~vignettes from my writing group gals
~the poem of SARKS "how to relax about money"
~Gillmore Girls on in 1/2 hour
~MY LIFE!!
Yesterday was so beautiful I couldn't contain myself inside one more minute with the sun shining so brightly through the kitchen window, so I jumped on our bed, got Tim up and we got the hell outside!
To the beach!!
The beautiful beach where the waves were rolling and the sun was shining in the bright blue sky. I just love these spring like days we've been having - it sure brings on the spring fever!
Walking along the beach watching the kids play in the water even though it's like 54 degrees made me laugh and want to jump in too...but I'm not kid enough to do something foolish and fun like that...
I then had a pregnant moment and had to have ice cream and not any ol ice cream - DAIRY QUEEN ice cream!! Yes, I made Tim drive some 30 miles down the coast so we could have a Dairy Queen blizzard! And Oh, it was GOOD! And since it was such a beautiful day we had a beautiful drive too...
I love Sundays, I love Sunny Sundays and I love Sunny Sundays that involve the sandy beach, the ocean waves and yummy ice cream!
dusk on our rooftop
On the bus after having afternoon tea at the Palace Hotel with friends I realized how much I love this city.
I got off at Columbus and Greenwich and walked into the North Beach library - browsed around, walked out and walked through my neighborhood on my way home and really realized how much I love my neighborhood and this city.
The streets, the people, the homes, the community...everything!
When I first visited before actually moving out to San Francisco 5+ years ago I dreamt of actually living in North Beach and after 3 years of being here we finally were able to move to this neighborhood. I've loved it since I first heard about it from SARK's books - the hills, the secret gardens, the moonlight walks....
We've been thinking we'd have to move once again to a bigger apt. once the baby comes because of course don't think we'll be able to afford our North Beach neighborhood but I just hope and pray that something comes along... it would be a shame and a disappointment to leave our neighborhood. I feel it is ours, we share it with all of our neighbors. I wouldn't want to leave...
So...for now we'll find the room in our little apt. for this little one coming into our lives in a few months and just make the best of it because we've fallin in love..... we're home.
**********************
I want to give a shout out to some special people in my life:
Happy Birthday to my wonderful, beautiful, favorite aunts ~ Kristie, Pam and Janet! May your days be bright with laughter!
Happy Birthday to my cousin Josh ~ I wish you many wishes come true!
Happy Birthday to my dear friend Jody ~ may all your angels surround you with love!
****
I also wanted to send my love and prayers to my dear dear friend Becky and her family ~ I just know that Susan and Nina are within the angels that surround you daily.
To my Gramma Jo - I'm sorry for the loss of your sister Jean ~ my heart, hugs and love go to you.
I love you all!!!
Liz and Andrea
We had a special guest in our writing class tonight: author and poet Elizabeth Rosner
Her poetry moves me, her voice speaks to me, her writing inspires me...
Gravity
sometimes I am Jacob and
sometimes I am the angel and
always I am wrestling
with God or with the idea
of God or with the idea
of myself wrestling with God
(there is always a risk
in the naming of
things in the naming
of oneself)
the stones in my pockets
weighing me down
are also holding me
steady
angels have no pockets and therefore can float
while I, who resist floating,
watch them rise with
something like envy and
something like rage
who can float in a time
like this, when the past
is still close enough
to touch and the sounds
of weeping linger so
clearly
isn't it our grief that makes us real
makes us dimensional,
heavy on the earth?
I think of my grandmother's
sweet hand, the weight
of it as she stroked my hair
to say good-bye, giving me
comfort because she was
the one leaving,
and her hand rinsed
me like water,
the falling water
~Elizabeth Rosner
chestnut st...where i park the car
those days when things seem so much the same
so just like yesterday
getting up
taking a shower
doing the hair and face
eating the oatmeal
picking out clothes
finding where i parked the car
driving to work
same ol thing...
coming home
eating
reading
yoga
bedtime...
same thing tomorrow...
i think it's about time to shake things up a bit...
when I was recently home my friends and family who've never been out here to visit wanted to see where i lived, how i lived, what was my daily life really like??
well ... I have started documenting my daily life to show them a little piece of it. Photos of the apt, the streets, the way to work, the neighborhood, the city...my life in the big city...so the next few weeks will randomly show "a day in the life of Stefanie Renee'...for whoever wants to see...
I can't even express the amount of gratitude I feel and the amount of love and support I feel after coming back from seeing friends and family.
I was so overwhelmed by the love and support everyone showed me...
I went home for a baby shower that my sister threw me ~ friends from years back showed up, all my aunts and gramma along with some cousins and my sisters and mom. It was so amazing and I can't even put into words how happy I was to see everyone.
The endless women chit chat was so comforting....
It's so theraputic ~ female chit chat...talks of motherhood, labor, children, men, relationships, sex...everything. We covered it all and the laughter that covered the whole day and night was endless.
I can never thank everyone enough for making the long trips, the money that was spent and the love that was shown. All the nice things they had to say about me and the love I felt through their words and hugs.
Can you tell that I couldn't be more grateful for the women in my life. I will never doubt their support. When I get down about being so far away from these women I have to remember that even though they live far away their love is felt through the many miles between us. It's still hard to leave them and know I'm out here without them but I do know that they'd be here in second if I needed them...which I might in a few months!!!
The trip home was good, but there is one complaint and that is, that I was so wrapped up in everyone that I didn't get enough photos of all these beautiful women....that's always my issue with photographs. Do I enjoy and sit in the moment or do I get my camera out and document the moment??
This weekend I chose to be present in the moment but now I'm wishing I had photos....oh the dilemma!
To all the women in my life who I cherish!