jerilyn, tina, stef, heather and maria - photo taken by Tim
Feeling a bit lonely lately..
Just needed a little hug from my friends..
"Loneliness" - The condition of being lonely; solitude; seclusion
THe definition seems a bit extreme but I'm just feeling lonely or maybe just missing my friends...my oldest friends.....my friends who know me like no one else...
But I think instead of trying to fight these feelings, I'll sit with them for awhile...
I'm sure the moments will pass and I will feel normal again soon...
In our life that make us who we are...
What we are...
Direct us to where we're going...
Or impact us in some large or small way...
My recent experiences:
~Meeting Joe Brown and finding out that he'd be turning 50 soon...
~Listening to Norene talk beautifully about Butterflies...
~Creating a more creative space in my home...
~Cruising down to Monterrey with Sonja while laughing and singing along with Def Leppard..
~Walks in the city...
~Conversations with Cynthia about traveling...
~Migranes and hot showers...
*****
Laughter is watching Tim and Cynthia wear "rain bonnets" all over New York!
Needless to say I didn't but I had fun watching them...
Laughter is the best medicine.
Laugh so hard that your tummy jiggles!
Laugh so hard that you spit!
Laugh so hard that it hurts but you keep on laughing!
Laugh so hard it sounds like you're crying!
Laugh so hard it makes you forget everything else!
Just Laugh!!!!!
watching the time tic by
watching the water slap against the pier
watching the sun slip behind the clouds before it sets
watching the little old lady walk to work every morning
watching the days get shorter
watching the books pile up
watching the olympic heros
watching the belly getting bigger
watching the weight just fall off
watching the way the food is swallowed
watching the way she plays with the corners of her magazine
watching the way she sneaks around the bookstore
watching...
watching...
watching time go by....
waiting....
i couldn't sleep..
there was a party going on somewhere in the building until the wee hours..
i couldn't sleep..
i got up and went for a walk..
there are more people out in the early morning than i ever expected.
things i noticed..
i didn't bring anything with me except 5 $ and my keys.
just me and the pavement
the sweet smell of the french/italian bakery
the chinese ladies picking up cans off grant st.
the many cigarette butts outside the bars
people cleaning all the bars out
water soaked sidewalks
fresh cool air
how desolate broadway is when the strip clubs aren't open
the look of the bay bridge against fog soaked clouds
people swimming
people fishing
vendors getting ready for the farmers market rush
sunflowers
daisies
ladies with baskets and bags
lettuce
juicy peaches
the crowds coming in
people running
the girl with the earphones rocking out
the one lonesome piece of broccoli on the sidewalk
the firemen washing their truck
the homeless man sleeping in camoflauge - i could still see him
the woman with the greyhound who wanted to run but couldn't
the security guy watching over cupid's arrow
the guy i kept passing and running into
the san francisco hearts
me in the window
the wooden steps on filbert
the smell of rotten vegetables
flies
hunger
my neighbor waiting with his surfboard
home at last..
i think i'll take a nap.
Before you know kindness..you know pain...
The kindness I saw on the bus - the man helping the elderly woman sit down..
The money passes to the homeless man..
The food brought to her on the corner..
The pass of the hand for you to walk..
Before you know kindness you see pain or you see kindness given to you..
The sadness, the happiness..
Her letting you go home because you wanted to..
Her buying the circus tickets..
Her letting you switch seats so you could see..
Her giving you the last bite..
Is it kindess? Is it giving? Is it just them being them?
To be known as kind is a very special gift I think...
Being kind and gentle..
The gentle touch of his hand on your back..
The rubbing of your feet when you didn't even ask..
The dishes done and dinner made..
The laundry done, folded and put away..
The small things like berries in your cereal..
The lemonade he knows you like..
The way he waits for you without saying a word..
The sweet emails she writes..
THe encouraging words you hear..
The kind words, the kind gestures..
The call you get just because they were thinking of you..
The flowers dancing in the wind..
The guy at the bookstore who kept harassing me about the discount card - he wasn't kind, but I was trying to be..
The man at the cafe who gives up his seat for the blind man and dog. Does this happen all the time for this man? Does he know? Does he come here often?
The bus driver who drives away too soon..
The man without money..
The woman at home with her dying husband, her child, her mother, herself.
Kindness.
****
Inspired by the poem "Kindness" by Naomi Shihab Nye
I spent my day doing nothing..
It's not as easy as it sounds but I was open to whatever came up..
I slept in late
I had a peaceful breakfast
I took a long hot shower
I talked on the phone in the middle of day
I went on a walk to places I hadn't been in a while
I sat and watched tourists
I was quiet
I hung out in the bookstore
I had lunch in my favorite cafe and read
I took an afternoon nap
I read more
I just was....
it felt good and it felt needed.
resisting...
resisiting the week..
resisting the work week..
resisting doing anything..
what about just doing nothing.
I read an article today in the Sunday Chronicle and it's all about "nothing doing" - it really made me think. Which is not what you're supposed to do.
I want a day with doing nothing...
nothing would mean..
walking with no destination
going to the beach
sitting and listening to the waves crash
watching the sunset
watching the moonrise
OR
just not getting out of bed in the first place!
eventually something catches ...
catches my eye...
that flower on the corner
the garbage on street
the butterfly sitting on the pavement
the sun creating shadows on the green grass
something catches my eye and I stop...
stop and pay attention, pay attention like a photographer should...
I catch myself...
I catch a glimpse of that man at the table reading his paper and drinking his coffee. he doesn't see me, I watch him, he's entered my head, but I've not entered his.
what's it like to be a part of someone's mind you aren't aware of.
I want into their minds, their lives..
I want to know and feel how they feel...
I catch a glimpse of the woman sitting in traffic next to me singing, I can't hear the music or even know if there is any?
I catch a glimpse of Tim slipping into the shower, the glimpse of his naked body.
the glimpse of his underware peaking out of his pants
the glimpse of her bra sticking out of her low cut t-shirt
the thong outside her low slung pants
I catch a glimpse of the woman littering like no one saw, the man tripping over the sidewalk, the dog pooping on the rose bushes..
the glipse of the world passing by...
stopping for that moment to take in the quietness of an empty apartment.
I leave the lights off and sit in darkness.
the man across from us pulls his blinds - he's only in boxers.
I don't see anything, he doesn't see me.
Inspired by the poem The way things work by Jorie Graham
This week's Photo Friday challenge is "Tranquility"
"Sometimes I think the fits of rage are like a huge creative urge gone into reverse, something dammed up that spills over, not an accumulated frustration that must find a way out and blows off at some tiny irrelevant thing."
~May Sarton from Journal of a Solitude
she leaves the apartment by herself.
bound and determined to go alone.
she's accepted it. she's fine with it.
she waits for the bus, too long, she looks at her watch. still time. don't worry.
the bus comes, she finds a seat by herself.
she watches the other people.
she's fine, she's out alone. she can do it.
she can handle herself.
freedom.
on the bus, her phone rings. it's her friend telling her that she got off work early and she can go to the party now.
Whew! the girl sighs with relief.
she won't have to go alone after all, she won't have to walk in alone, she won't have to start conversations alone.
she will have a friend with her to be her pal, to talk with new people together, to have that security.
she sighs with relief again and smiles.
smiles out the window at all the people waiting for the bus.
they don't understand why she's smiling but she doesn't care.
she is happy. she is relieved.
she meets her friend, they walk in together, they meet new people, they talk, they laugh, it's comfortable. it's easy.
they leave, the girl splits off to go catch her bus.
it was always going to be ok. she smiled again, looking out the bus.
steve tannen and deb talan - the weepies
~coming home late and enjoying our "up all night" neighborhood
~getting a little something special in the mail from Tina that brightened my whole day!
~sleeping really late
~buying goodies at helen's trunk show
~getting the chance to see the fog roll in over the golden gate bridge
~discovering a new shop in noe valley "ladybug, ladybug" - so cute!!
~finding an old edition of May Sarton's "Journal of Solitude"
~reading my new Diane Arbus book Revelations
~seeing "Garden State" - what a beautiful, perfect, imperfect movie.
I walked out of there with a whole new lease on life.
It taught me that being imperfect is just fine. (yes, i take life lessons from hollywood movies - shoot me)
I don't need to try to be perfect, I don't want to be perfect and being OK right this moment is OK.
I loved, loved, loved it! Zach Braff is amazing!
~getting to see Mati twice in one day!
~ AND to top the weekend off Mati and I went to Andrea's house concert starring "The Weepies" - Deb Talen and Steve Tannen.
What amazing, beautiful, touching music and energy these two people bring. And special guest Malcolm Gold played kick ass bass.
It's so comforting to have a weekend where everything is just right, the moments fall into place, I fall into place and all is well in my world. Here's to looking forward to next weekend.
This week's Photo Friday challenge is Perfection.....
************************
Sending a huge hug out to my Mom!
Happy Birthday Mom!!
Love you!!!
life seems so fast lately...
going faster and faster..
everything needs to be done right now...
or yesterday...
everything is HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!...
i'm immune to it now...
nothing is that important anymore..
you cry "important" so much - it's like crying wolf...
i just don't believe...
let's all slow down and listen to the saxophone man on the corner
take in his sound...
take in his rich dark skin...
take in his feel...
take in his slow smooth way...
and just listen.
Whether you are happy
or whether you are sad,
it is wise to remember
you are really in process.
— Maya Angelou
"a moments lost in the of blink of an eye..
we may be never be the same..
my spirit longs to be close to you..
and calling out your name.."
~Will Hector Band
We've been blanketed by fog for the past few days - all day....
I want to see the blue sky, the sun, and feel the warmth on my skin.
I want to lay in the grass and stare up at the clouds...
I want to roll down a hill with my nephew Jarin...
I want to hear his giggle after he falls down from being so dizzy...
I want to visit my friend Jerilyn, give her a hug and tell her it will all get better...
I want to fly to Atlanta and meet Tina's new love...
I want to have tea with Jen...
I want to go the farmers market with Maria..
I want to take that road trip with Sonja...
I want to push Jadin on the swing and hear his giggle...
I want to take my entire office to Great America so we can just laugh it all off...
I want to sit with Jody and hear all about her classes...
I want to write down all the moments that happen...
I want to hang out with my Gramma Jo on the deck..
I want to photograph all the moments that happen...
I want the sun on my face..
