over the past couple of years; ever since becoming a mother i've come to realize that i filter myself most of the time in the way i feel or how i want myself to be portrayed here because sometimes, most of the time things are not pretty.I don't want people to think i'm a bad mother because i can't usually put a humorous spin on it like some can...even though it usually is pretty funny in the end.
i read this billboard every morning that says "misery is overrated" "dare to be happy" - well tell me about it! I wish for that. I wish that I could just turn it on and off like that but i've come to realize that i can't just do that. there has always been a not so pretty side to me and i've tried to run from it, hide it from myself and others, i've shouted it from the rooftops and i've forgotten about it at times but it's there, it's within in, it's me. and i can't deny that any longer.
you see there is dark and there is light and i need to accept it and i hope that you can too.
just because people/myself have dark sides doesn't mean that i'm going to do something extreme; it just means that, that's how i'm feeling and i'm not ashamed to talk about it. it's just me. and it may be at times a downer and seem negative in this "let's all think positive" world but i just don't have the energy to try to be someone else any longer.
believe me i don't want to dwell on things any more than i already do and i want to be happy more times than not but sometimes it just ain't happening....
another rambling post, i know...but it needed to be said....
Posted by stef at May 30, 2007 09:24 PMi know exactly what you mean,
and have compassion and love for each word you wrote.
i love your honesty. its a like a big warm blanket on a rainy day. thank you for this.
xx
our darkness balances our light... it's the ying yang of it. thank you for your honesty, as above... it's necessary in this world. to share all of it and you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxo,
m
Your "dark" side as well as your "light" side is why we love you Stef! I hope you don't ever feel you need to hide or change that part of you! It makes you YOU!
xoxo-Sonja
Thank you for your honesty. It makes those who are struggling through the same things feel not so alone. I appreciate it. Life isn't always pretty, even though we wish and hope that it was. Thank you! You are an inspiration to me, and I really enjoy reading your words.
Posted by: Jennifer Belthoff at May 30, 2007 10:36 PM