I've been inspirted by Keri to just write; I don't really have anything in particular to write about but I do feel like writing. In class tonight I left so "seen" and that the inner self can really be seen by others.
That there is beauty in me, that I don't see, and I'm very surprised that others can. It's a self hate thing I think that makes me, us, not see the good in ourselves.
Why is that?
Why do we need others to validate us?
They pointed things out in my wild write/poem that even I didn't know but what they said, I really got, I got me. It felt wonderful actually.
I walked home watching the stars peek out from under the fast moving clouds and thought "wow, I really do have something to say", and people are willing to listen, read and appreciate it, appreciate me. It feels good.
I don't need to keep fighting myself, just noticing myself is a step.
Posted by stef at March 2, 2006 10:00 PMIsn't it interesting--how we are community creatures. We need others because in some way we can't see ourselves without them...yet it is good to throw the fears out and write--anything. It's often this writing that rings truest. And yes, you have something to say that matters---to me.
Posted by: christina at March 4, 2006 08:19 PMyou write beautifully and honest. i love tuning in, stef. and yes let us do lunch... i'll email.
Posted by: matirose at March 3, 2006 11:57 PMit's a wonderful step!
this week i too decided that everyday i would pull out my journal and write at least 100 words. it's not much but i often use the excuse of not having enough time as a reason not to write. 100 words i can do. plus, 100 words kind of puts me in a place where i have to cut to the chase and write what i really need to say.
Posted by: la vie en rose at March 3, 2006 02:32 PMDo you realize how many people go through life never doing any self exploring? Love yourself for too much self analizing and just plain love yourself. You are who you are right at this moment...in 5 minutes you will be someone else. We are constantly changing..the trick is to be aware..to explore..to notice..that's why we are here.
Posted by: Jody at March 3, 2006 10:29 AM"Why do we need others to validate us?"
I think you are too cruel to yourself, maybe too much astute for lapses and failures and you expect too much from your soul in very short time. You can not recognise your beauties and capabilities because you expect yourself to be perfect. Then when someone points out to your beauty, you can not believe it! I was just the same and I am somehow, I know what it feels. You never get satisfied by your performance. The only antidote that I know is “continuous working” and “dreaming one step forward, ”not dreaming too far, too perfect. We should appreciate our improvement even tiny and concentrate and dream for near future, not too far. If we dream too far for impossible, assuming the amount of effort we should put to get there will leave us exhausted before starting. It is amazing “To wake up as a journalist photographing around the world” but it as impossible as you wrote! However, it is possible to pen such a beautiful poem and take such amazing photos! Just see your beauties and USE them.
Sorry, I do not aim to preach! I see there is something in you that you do not appreciate and feed and just wanted to point out!
i'm just loving the glassiness of the water in this image, and the light/dark contrast... contrasts; just like we talked about in tonight's class. stef, you are sooo sooo rich in the way you see the world and the way you dive in. i'm so grateful that i get to see you at this time in your life; emerging and discovering the marvelous self you have inside. and you are on target with the understanding that our negative self-perceptions can cloud our vision. i'm glad you felt the group seeing you in all your beautiful glory. shine on girl! xxoo- snowsparkle
Posted by: snowsparkle at March 2, 2006 11:36 PMexactly! I do the self-hate thing too, unfortunately. I'm so glad you were inspired to write more... and to just write!
Posted by: rachael at March 2, 2006 10:14 PM