whoever you are...

transamerica building, nikon d70

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

I haven't been able to find the words to really write here. I feel all the words were sucked out when Kadison came into the world. My whole inside.

Believe me the love that I feel for her is so huge and I'm having a wonderful time being a mom to her and experiencing all these new things but I still feel the words have been sucked out of me.

I just haven't been able to talk, say what I feel or figure out how I feel.

I feel like I'm back where I was years back when I didn't know who I was or where I was going.

I'm wanting to know who I am now.
Reading Jen's entries lately I've been reminded to ask the question "who am I" - who am I really? I've read the self help books, I've been in therapy, I've done my work and it still comes down to the same question..."who am I?"

What makes me tick, what makes me calm, what is it that brings me back to me?

I don't know...
But believe me I intend to find out.

Posted by stef at May 10, 2005 09:27 PM