I want to run down the street with out feeling out of breath
Or that there is a grapefruit in my crotch
I'm getting tired of this
Sometimes I forget and bump my belly into things
I'm ready to be done
Ready to get my body back and try to make it better than before
I'm ready for my black jeans, cowboy boots and sexy tank tops
I'm ready to dance and jump around to the music
I'm ready for that tall glass of cold, cold beer
I'm ready for it
I'm ready now
I'm ready to go to a concert and listen to loud music and have it drown it all out
I'm ready
I don't think I'm ready for the 2am feedings, the sore crotch and sore nipples
But I'll get used to it
I'm ready for the crazy passionate sex and know it will be awhile before that happens
I'm ready for a hot beach - me sitting in a lounge chair, sipping an umbrella drink and ready trashy magazines
I'm ready
You may think I'm in denial
Maybe
I'm ready for my body to be back, for my life to move on, to find a new home, for him to be done with school, to be raising our child, to be making money doing something I love that's creative
I'm flailing around to quickly
Not enjoying the moments
I'm not patient
I will need to be patient
Stop
Slow down
Breathe
Realize these are the moments to cherish
I was never one to wait - wait - wait - wait
I'm ready for the inner critic to stop telling me what I'm doing is all wrong
Shut the hell up!
I'm doing the best I can
I know it will all work out
I have to believe I'm ready for that
~
I am ready to meet this little being
I am ready for the love that I'll feel
I am ready to know that this will be most important thing I ever do
I am ready to try to be the best woman/mom/wife I can be
I have to believe
Such insights! The little one is going to love to read your thoughts one day!
Posted by: T at April 11, 2005 01:57 PMStef,
Such wonderful words! I'm trying so hard to be just okay with where things are, to be patient and I, too, am not known for my patience. But I know that any child who has you as a mother will be one of the lucky ones. One who will know that our minds are not black and white, that there is space for all the things that fall between good and bad. Because when I read your writings I feel comforted by the idea that I'm not the only one. So, thank you. Thank you so much!
Posted by: lindsey at March 25, 2005 08:45 AMoh you....
i love this entry. not because you are uncomfortable or unsure or feeling pressure ~ but because you are so beautifully honest
(and funny).....
wishing you and your bod and that busy head of yours an easy day....
love
jen